The Solo Myth: Why Going It Alone Is Going Nowhere

Independence is a myth sold to keep you isolated. Interdependence is where the magic happens.

Have you been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? Do you believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness, or that you "should be able to handle this on your own"? If you've convinced yourself that figuring everything out alone is somehow more noble than going together, this is for you.

Because I need to tell you something that might sting a little at first, but will ultimately set you free: the idea that you're supposed to figure everything out alone? It's not strength. It's not independence. It's programming. And it's keeping you stuck in ways you might not even realize.

Today we're dismantling one of the most dangerous myths of our time—the myth that going solo is somehow superior to going together.

The Queen of "I Got This"

I have to laugh at myself when I think about this, because I used to be the queen of "I got this." Like, embarrassingly so. I would literally spend hours researching something online rather than text a friend who was an expert in that exact thing. I'd struggle with tech issues for days instead of asking my brother who works in IT. I once tried to move a couch up three flights of stairs by myself because I didn't want to "bother" anyone.

But the most ridiculous part? I would then wonder why I felt so alone, so overwhelmed, so disconnected from everyone around me.

The breaking point came last year when I was having a panic attack at 2 AM about a business decision. I'm lying there, spiraling, convinced I'm the only person in the world who's ever faced this particular problem. And then—because apparently my brain likes to torture me—I remembered that my friend Sarah had literally gone through the exact same thing six months earlier.

Instead of texting her, you know what I did? I Googled "how to make business decisions when you're scared" and read articles written by strangers for three hours.

When I finally told Sarah about this weeks later, she looked at me like I had two heads. "Why didn't you just call me?" she asked. And I realized I didn't have a good answer. Just this deep, ingrained belief that I should be able to handle everything myself.

That's when I started to wonder: where did this come from? And more importantly, how is it serving me?

Spoiler alert: it wasn't.

The Science of Human Connection

Here's what the research tells us about human beings: we are literally wired for connection. Dr. Matthew Lieberman's groundbreaking neuroscience research at UCLA shows that our brains have a default network that's constantly thinking about social connections—even when we're not consciously focused on relationships.

The Loneliness Epidemic

But here's where it gets interesting. Psychologist Dr. Sherry Turkle from MIT has documented what she calls "the loneliness epidemic," where we're more connected than ever through technology, but more isolated than ever in meaningful relationships. Why? Because we've been conditioned to believe that needing others is weakness.

Vulnerability and Connection

Dr. Brené Brown's vulnerability research reveals something profound: the people who live the most connected, fulfilling lives aren't the most independent—they're the most interdependent. They understand that strength isn't about never needing help; it's about being brave enough to ask for it.

The Gift of Receiving

And here's the kicker from social psychology: when we try to do everything alone, we don't just rob ourselves of support—we rob others of the joy of contributing to our lives. Dr. Adam Grant's research on giving and receiving shows that people actually feel more connected and fulfilled when they get to help others.

By insisting on going solo, we're stealing that gift from the people who love us.

The Health Costs of Isolation

Research by Dr. John Cacioppo reveals that chronic loneliness and isolation have health impacts equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. The landmark study by House, Landis, and Umberson published in Science found that people with strong social relationships have a 50% increased likelihood of survival compared to those with weaker social connections.

This isn't just about feeling good—it's about survival.

Social Connection as Medicine

Dr. Dacher Keltner's research at UC Berkeley shows that social connection literally changes our biology. When we feel supported and connected, our bodies produce more oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and less cortisol (the stress hormone). Our immune systems function better. Our hearts are healthier. Our minds are sharper.

Connection isn't just nice to have—it's essential for our wellbeing.

The Cultural Programming Behind the Solo Myth

Sociologist Dr. Robert Putnam's research in "Bowling Alone" documents how American culture has systematically moved away from community and toward radical individualism. This isn't accidental—it serves economic and political systems that benefit from isolated, overwhelmed individuals who are too exhausted to demand better.

**When you're busy trying to handle everything alone, you don't have energy to:

• Build strong communities
• Demand fair working conditions
• Create support networks
• Challenge systems that exploit you
• Pursue collective change**

The solo myth isn't just personal programming—it's cultural conditioning that keeps us powerless.

The Two Travelers: A Parable

There's an old African proverb: "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." But I think we've been interpreting this all wrong.

Let me tell you about two travelers who decided to cross a desert.

The first traveler packed everything they thought they'd need, loaded it all into their backpack, and set off alone. They were proud of their self-sufficiency, their independence, their ability to handle anything.

The second traveler joined a caravan. They shared the load with others, took turns leading and following, supported each other through the difficult terrain.

Three days in, the solo traveler was exhausted from carrying their heavy pack. By day five, they were lost. By day seven, they had run out of water and were forced to turn back, defeated and depleted.

Meanwhile, the caravan traveler not only made it across the desert—they discovered oases they never would have found alone, learned skills from other travelers that enriched their journey, and formed friendships that lasted long after the desert was behind them.

When someone asked the solo traveler why they didn't join the caravan, they said, "I wanted to prove I could do it myself."

When someone asked the caravan traveler why they didn't go alone, they said, "I wanted to actually reach the other side."

The difference wasn't in their capability. It was in their understanding of what strength actually means.

Your dreams aren't meant to be carried alone. They're meant to be shared, supported, and celebrated in community.

The Reframe That Changes Everything

Here's the reframe that changes everything: Asking for help isn't a sign that you're not enough—it's a sign that you're wise enough to know you're part of something bigger.

The most successful, fulfilled people aren't solo acts. They're orchestras. They understand that their individual talent becomes exponentially more powerful when it's supported by and connected to others.

Independence is an illusion. We're all interdependent—every single one of us. The food you ate today was grown by someone else, transported by someone else, sold by someone else. The electricity powering your home, the roads you drive on, the apps on your phone—none of it exists because one person did it all alone.

So why do we think our dreams, our healing, our growth should be any different?

Practical Steps to Break the Solo Myth

1. Start Small with Low-Stakes Asks

• Ask a friend for a restaurant recommendation
• Request help with a simple task
• Share a small struggle and see how it feels to be supported

2. Practice the "Gift of Receiving"

Remember that when you allow others to help you, you're giving them the gift of contribution and connection.

3. Identify Your Support Network

Map out the people in your life who could offer different types of support:

• Emotional support (listening, empathy)
• Practical support (skills, resources)
• Informational support (knowledge, connections)
• Social support (community, belonging)

4. Challenge Your "Should" Stories

Notice when you think:

• "I should be able to handle this alone"
• "I don't want to be a burden"
• "They're too busy to help me"
• "Asking for help means I'm weak"

Reframe these thoughts:

• "I'm wise enough to seek support"
• "I'm giving others the gift of contribution"
• "People who love me want to help"
• "Asking for help takes courage"

5. Start a Mutual Support Practice

Create relationships based on reciprocal support rather than one-sided giving or receiving.

The Truth About Strength

Real strength isn't about never needing help. Real strength is about being brave enough to ask for it.

The voice in your head that says you should be able to do everything yourself? That's not your voice. That's the voice of a culture that profits from your isolation, that benefits when you're too tired from carrying everything alone to demand the support you deserve.

But you? You were made for connection. You were designed for community. You were created to give and receive support in equal measure.

Every time you reach out for help, you're not admitting weakness—you're practicing courage.

Every time you allow someone to support you, you're not being a burden—you're giving them the gift of contribution.

Every time you choose interdependence over independence, you're not failing at strength—you're modeling what real strength looks like.

Your Permission Slip

There is nothing about you that needs to be handled alone. Not your dreams, not your struggles, not your growth, not your healing. Nothing.

The people who love you want to support you. They're not just tolerating your needs—they're honored by your trust. Stop robbing them of the joy of being part of your journey.

You don't have to earn your place in community. You don't have to prove you're worthy of support. You belong, exactly as you are, with all your beautiful, human needs and dreams and struggles.

The New Mantra

"I am strong enough to ask for help. I am brave enough to be supported. I am wise enough to know I don't have to do this alone."

Feel that truth land in your body. Asking for help isn't weakness—it's wisdom.

Your Next Step

Here's your journal prompt for this week: "What would become possible in my life if I stopped trying to prove I can do everything alone and started asking for the support I actually want?"

Not what you think you should want. What you actually want. Write that down. And then—here's the brave part—identify one person you could reach out to this week. Just one.

Because your dreams aren't meant to be carried alone. They're meant to be shared, supported, and celebrated in community.

The solo myth has kept you isolated long enough. It's time to discover what becomes possible when you stop carrying the weight of your world alone and start building the community that will help you thrive.

You are not meant to do this alone. And the people who love you are waiting for you to let them prove it.

Ready to break free from the solo myth and discover the power of supported growth? Your community is calling—and you deserve to answer.

References

1. Lieberman, M. D. (2013). Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. Crown Publishers.

2. Turkle, S. (2017). Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other. Basic Books.

3. Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.

4. Grant, A. (2013). Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success. Penguin Books.

5. Cacioppo, J. T., & Patrick, W. (2008). Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. W. W. Norton & Company.

6. Putnam, R. D. (2000). Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. Simon & Schuster.

7. Keltner, D. (2009). Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life. W. W. Norton & Company.

8. House, J. S., Landis, K. R., & Umberson, D. (1988). Social relationships and health. Science, 241(4865), 540-545.