When Peace Feels Unfamiliar: Learning to Trust What Feels Light

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For most of my life, I thought peace was something you earned after chaos. That you had to push, prove, and sacrifice before it was "allowed" to feel easy.

I was addicted to struggle because somewhere along the way, I'd learned that if it didn't feel hard, it probably wasn't worth much. If I wasn't suffering for it, I wasn't earning it. If it came easily, it was probably too good to be true.

But lately, I've been learning something radically different: Peace isn't boring. It's a clue.

And what's yours? Will feel lighter.

🌿 The Weight I Didn't Know I Was Carrying

It didn't happen all at once. But I started noticing a quiet ache in my chest—a dread that lived under the surface like a low-grade fever I'd learned to ignore.

I'd say yes to things I didn't want to do, then resent myself for it. Work through exhaustion, then wonder why I felt so empty. Smile when I wanted to cry, then question why joy felt so elusive.

I thought I was just being responsible, a "high-achiever," someone who could handle it all. But my nervous system told the truth long before my words did. The chronic fatigue. The Sunday scaries that started on Friday. The overwhelm that felt like drowning in my own life.

I wasn't lazy. I was misaligned.

Here's what I didn't understand then: I had been conditioned to mistrust ease. Society had taught me that anything worthwhile required struggle, that comfort was the enemy of growth, that rest was earned through exhaustion.

But research shows this couldn't be further from the truth.

🧠 The Science of Energetic Alignment

Neuroscience reveals something fascinating: when we consistently override our intuitive "no" and push through what doesn't feel right, our stress response gets stuck in survival mode. We lose the ability to distinguish between what's familiar and what's actually safe.

Dr. Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory explains that our nervous system is constantly scanning for safety through a process called "neuroception"—our body's subconscious ability to detect whether we're in danger or safety. When we're chronically overriding our body's signals, this system gets dysregulated.

Studies show that people who regularly ignore their internal guidance and body signals have higher levels of cortisol, increased inflammation, and are more prone to anxiety and depression. It's as if our body keeps track of every time we betray our own knowing.

That's why your body sometimes resists peace. Because hustle, struggle, and hypervigilance are what it's learned to survive on. Your nervous system has been trained to equate busy with safe, stress with productive, and exhaustion with worthy.

But here's the beautiful truth research reveals: Peace is actually a signal that your nervous system is healing.

In The Body Keeps the Score, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains that healing isn't just emotional—it's deeply physical. Your body records every yes that should've been a no. Every boundary you didn't set. Every time you chose obligation over intuition.

And your body also records when you start choosing differently.

The Plot Twist About "Light" and "Heavy"

Here's something that will change how you make decisions forever: research on interoception—your ability to sense internal bodily signals—shows that people who are more in tune with their body's signals make better decisions and report higher life satisfaction.

When something feels "light" in your body, it's not just a nice feeling—it's data. Your nervous system is telling you this choice, person, or path supports your wellbeing. When something feels "heavy," that's also information. Your body is signaling that this might deplete your energy or move you away from alignment.

Studies in embodied cognition show that our bodily sensations often contain wisdom that our analytical mind hasn't caught up to yet. That "gut feeling" isn't just a metaphor—it's your enteric nervous system (the neural network in your digestive system) processing information and sending signals to your brain.

✨ How I Started Feeling Safe With Ease

Here's what changed everything: I stopped asking "What should I do?" and started asking "What feels light?"

It wasn't easy at first. Years of conditioning had taught me to ignore my body's wisdom and defer to external expectations. But I started creating tiny rituals to rewire my body's sense of safety:

🌱 The Pre-Yes Pause: Before automatically saying yes to anything, I learned to pause and ask: "Does this expand me or contract me?" I'd notice if my shoulders tensed up or my breathing became shallow.

🌱 Body Scanning for Truth: I started checking in with how decisions felt in my body—not just analyzing them with my mind. Does this opportunity make my chest feel open or tight? Does thinking about this commitment make me want to take a deep breath or hold my breath?

🌱 Somatic Decision-Making: Before any major choice, I'd use grounding practices to get into my body, then imagine each option and notice my physical response. My nervous system became my decision-making compass.

🌱 The Lightness Journal: I began tracking patterns—what consistently felt heavy versus what felt naturally flowing. The data was undeniable: the things that felt light were usually the ones that led to growth, joy, and authentic success.

🌱 Permission Slips for Peace: I gave myself explicit permission to choose ease. To take the path that felt good. To stop making everything harder than it needed to be.

That's when the shift happened. Things that once drained me started falling away—not through force or willpower, but through simple non-engagement. Opportunities that aligned with my truth started appearing. And I realized...

I wasn't becoming lazy. I was becoming honest.

💫 Try This: The Lightness Practice (A Somatic Decision-Making Tool)

This practice combines research on interoception with nervous system regulation to help you make aligned choices:

Step 1: Ground Your System

• Sit comfortably and place both feet on the floor

• Take three deep breaths, making your exhale longer than your inhale

• Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly

Step 2: Present the Question

• Bring to mind a decision you're facing

• State it clearly: "I'm considering [specific choice]"

• Don't analyze yet—just present the option to your system

Step 3: Body Scan for Response

• Notice your immediate physical response

• Does your breathing become easier or more restricted?

• Do your shoulders drop or tense up?

• Does your chest feel open or contracted?

• Does your stomach feel settled or churned?

Step 4: Test the Opposite

• Now imagine saying no to this option

• Notice how your body responds to that choice

• Which option allows you to breathe more freely?

Step 5: Trust the Wisdom

• Your body's response is data, not just feeling

• "Light" responses often indicate alignment

• "Heavy" responses often indicate misalignment

• Sometimes the right choice still feels scary—but there's a difference between growth-edge fear and gut-warning fear

Research shows that people who use somatic awareness in decision-making report greater satisfaction with their choices and experience less regret over time.

The Revolutionary Act of Choosing Light

Here's what the research reveals about people who consistently choose what feels light: they're not lazy or uncommitted. They're actually more successful, more creative, and more resilient than people who force their way through heavy choices.

Studies on flow states show that when we're aligned with activities that feel naturally engaging (what researchers call "intrinsically motivated"), we perform better, learn faster, and experience more satisfaction. When we're constantly pushing against resistance, we're working against our natural operating system.

This doesn't mean avoiding all challenge or discomfort—growth requires some stretching. But there's a difference between the productive discomfort of growth and the soul-crushing heaviness of misalignment.

The light path isn't always easy, but it feels true.
The heavy path might feel familiar, but it's usually fear-based.

💗 Want Support as You Realign?

Learning to trust what feels light is a practice, especially if you've spent years overriding your body's wisdom. Here are some resources to support your journey:

📝 The LTS Journal: Know will help you reconnect with your internal truth—even when the world feels loud. It's where I started tracking the difference between obligation and desire, between what I thought I should want and what actually felt alive for me.

🎧 And if you haven't yet, listen to Episode 23: What's Yours Will Feel Lighter on the podcast. We dive deeper into energetic boundaries, nervous system literacy, and how to trust peace again—even when your brain tells you it's "too good to be true."

💻 Ready to take aligned action in your work and life—without burnout or force? The Quantum Leap Course will guide you through embodying your next level with nervous system safety and self-trust. You'll learn to recognize the difference between resistance that's protective and resistance that's fear-based.

The Permission You've Been Waiting For

If you've been waiting for permission to choose ease, to trust what feels good, to stop making everything harder than it needs to be—this is it.

You're allowed to take the job that feels exciting instead of the one that looks impressive on paper.
You're allowed to end the friendship that drains you, even if they're a "good person."
You're allowed to say no to the opportunity everyone else thinks you should want.
You're allowed to choose rest over productivity.
You're allowed to trust that what's yours will feel lighter.

This isn't about becoming selfish or avoiding all responsibility. It's about recognizing that your body's wisdom is a form of intelligence that our culture has taught us to ignore—and reclaiming it.

💬 Let's Stay Connected

What's one thing in your life that feels heavy right now? And what would happen if you gave yourself permission to let it go?

Come share your story with me on Instagram → @lovethyselfies. I'd love to witness your journey back to trusting your own knowing.

You're not behind. You're not broken. You're not lazy for wanting things to feel good.

You're remembering who you are underneath all the conditioning. And what's yours? Will always feel lighter.

With softness and solidarity,
xo, Melissa

References

• van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
  
  

• Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
  
  

• Craig, A. D. (2002). How do you feel? Interoception: the sense of the physiological condition of the body. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 3(8), 655-666.
  
  

• Dunn, B. D., Galton, H. C., Morgan, R., Evans, D., Oliver, C., Meyer, M., ... & Dalgleish, T. (2010). Listening to your heart: How interoception shapes emotion experience and intuitive decision making. Psychological Science, 21(12), 1835-1844.
  
  

• Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2008). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper Perennial Modern Classics.
  
  

• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "what" and "why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.